I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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