Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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