I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
COCAINE IS GR8
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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