Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
