u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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