You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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