How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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