It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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