why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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