I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
