You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
