Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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