and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
