I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize