I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize