Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize