so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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