I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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