You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
