There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
