My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
