so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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