Four minutes until I can fart!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
