Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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