oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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