found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
