but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
