Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
