I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
