He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
