I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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