If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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