She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
