There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
