i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
