his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
