how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
