I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
