he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
