The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
