brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I want is dick and wine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
