So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
