before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is my gift to your gina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
