I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
