Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
