This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she smelled like a LAN party
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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