Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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