I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i drank out of a bidet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
