did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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