I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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