He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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