final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
