my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
