OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
