so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
4 words: hood of his car
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
