Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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