Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize