Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
