dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
