I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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