tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
