if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ugly people sure do ruin things
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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