Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
