i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
