My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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