I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my shit smells like andre
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
