i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
