You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
