So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
