I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize