did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
